Wednesday, 22 July 2009


When we heard that Alien Space Zombies from Beyond Terror had plans to infiltrate this year's Latitude festival, we couldn't merely stand idly by and allow hundreds of young (and also slightly old[er]) Latituders be turned into mindless zombie slaves! So calm(ish)-in-a-crisis author Guy Bass and I, packed up our Zomb-O-Tron 6000 and took to the road with the patented ZOMBALIEN SURVIVAL GUIDE (patent pending).

Unfortunately the Zombaliens were on to us and determined to thwart our efforts at every turn. Literally hundreds of them got in their cars and jammed up the roads, in a bid to clog up the A12 and prevent us from even entering Suffolk. Then, somehow they must have got hold of our tents and made modifications in order to make them stupendously difficult to assemble. Worst of all, they seemingly ensured that flushable toilets were totally uninvented in this particular area of Southwold for the duration of the festival. 

However, you don't mess with Stripes Publishing when there are books to be promoted, and you certainly don't mess with Guy Bass when there are lives to be saved . . . 

This is what we were up against . . . 

. . . isn't it hideous? This is also a little bit like what I looked like by the end of the festival, because there were NO SHOWERS!! AA-AAA-AAH!

Fortunately we soon managed to round up a veritable army of Latituders prepared to learn all they needed to know to combat zombification . . . 

. . . look at all the grown ups! I think they were more worried than the kids!

Guy got straight to work demonstrating the Zomb-O-Tron 6000 with the help of a strong-necked volunteer . . .

We seemed to be pretty lucky with the weather, until Sunday afternoon when the heavens opened. But no Zombalien rains on Guy Bass' parade and on he soldiered through the deluge . . .

AND to our joy and amazement, the audience stuck around too . . .  

. . . (having whipped on their macs!) They're a hardy bunch, those Latituders. I'd like to see the Zombaliens try to enslave them!

All-in-all a cracking time was had by all and I feel certain that many lives were saved. Actor Keith Allen stopped by to watch one of the sessions - we have reason to suspect he is in fact a Zombalien himself. (Surely Vindaloo is some kind of mind-control chant??!)

My other festival highlights included:

#1 Grace Jones leaving her trousers at home, but like a consummate professional, proving that the show must go on!!
#2 Dancing in the woods late into the night. Being at one with nature is many times more enjoyable than being in a horrible nightclub.
#3 Spotting the little girl we dressed up as Herbert the monster, half way through reading her copy of Dinkin Dings and the Frightening Things.

My greatest festival fears included:

#1 The loos.
#2 My tent falling down on top of me in the night.
#3 Waking up to find my tent surrounded Zombaliens . . . AA-AAA-AAH!!!

Our thanks go to Latitude for having us, and Suffolk Libraries for their support. They clearly are truly concerned about safety and security!

If you are intrigued by any part of this, you NEED to read these books (it might very well save your life!!):

Dinkin Dings and the Frightening Things
by Guy Bass
illustrated by Pete Williamson

Dinkin Dings and the Revenge of the Fishmen
by Guy Bass
illustrated by Pete Williamson

You might also like to visit the man himself at and/or Dinkin's Diary of Dread and Desperation at


No comments:

Post a Comment